Adoption Update: The Weight of Waiting


Photo by justDONQUE.images

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted an update about our son’s adoption. Please allow me to change that.

777 days ago, my husband and I embarked on the journey of a lifetime. After learning about a little boy in an orphange far away–and seeing him via a DVD we received in the mail–we decided to do whatever it took to adopt him. Of course, at the time, we had no idea what “whatever it meant” included.

We filled out hundreds of pages of paperwork. We completed home studies and fingerprinting. We attended group meetings and paid bills. And of course, we did a lot of praying.

And we thought–given what we were told–that we could expect to meet our little guy within one year.

Today marks Day #777, (month 26).

This past Tuesday, our adoption case was supposed to be presented to the child adoption board overseas. We had good reason to believe we would receive good news on Wednesday or Thursday. But we’ve heard nothing. I never thought hearing nothing would be as hard as hearing, “No.”

I can sum up our adoption experience in one word: waiting.

I’m not going to lie. Escape is appealing. Our natural response during a season of trial is desire for its conclusion. But escape isn’t always God’s plan for our lives. Christlikeness is the goal, and satisfaction in Him is the key.

And so we wait . . .

Comments

  1. Heather Nelson says:

    Praying for you even now, Trisha.

  2. jenny@mylittleme.com says:

    I can't even imagine what you're going through! I hope that it concludes happily for you very soon!

  3. Lea Ann@WhateverStateIAm says:

    I had been wondering how the waiting was going. *sigh* I'll keep praying.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Hi Trisha! I wanted you to know that we are praying for you and that God will keep your little boy safe and sound. I know what it is like to also go through a long trial. It seems that is the way to go so I have learned to accept it.. Either we are going into a trial or coming out of one. Either way it is tough. God is a good God and since He led you to this little guy from seeing all of your postings on FB then God will see it through. Children are a gift from the Lord! You are one of His Children too. God Bless, Jillane

  5. Anonymous says:

    There are THOUSANDS of children WAITING IN THIS COUNTRY for parents. Why must you pay thousands and travel around the globe to procure a child?

    Is the child's mother or family alive? If so, then maybe you ought to consider sponsoring them instead of separating this child from his family, his people, his history.

    He is NOT your "son".

  6. Trisha says:

    Dear "Anonymous,"

    Thank you for your comments. Indeed, there are thousands of children waiting in this country for parents. My brother and I–as a matter of fact–were adopted in this country. My husband and I are taking steps even now to begin the process of becoming foster parents in this country. It won't happen for awhile, but that is our hope.

    For a plethora of reasons, this program at this time was right for our family. We took great care to research all of the options before we made this decision. And at the heart of it, we believe that each child–regardless of nationality, race, age, or health–deserves a family.

    This country does not hold the trademark on children who need love.

    In this forum, I will not share the details of this little boy's past. Those details are for him to uncover in time. But without a doubt, he is in need of parents.

    Sponsorship–as you suggested–is a wonderful idea for children in certain circumstances. In high school, my best friend and I sponsored a little girl named "Mercedes" who we loved with all our hearts. If sponsorship or reunification were a possibility for this child, I'm sure he would not be in need of a home.

    The orphange in which he lives sends children all over the world to be adopted. My husband and I are currently perfecting our cooking skills, observing holidays, learning traditions, and reading about the country.

    We trust that the love and support we offer this little boy will make up for what we lack in skillset from his country.

    In my own experience, I have found my adoption to be more than I could ever have imagined.

    Thank you for your comments–
    Trisha
    http://www.househoncho.com

  7. Dear Anonymous,

    I find it cowardly to hide behind a cloak of anonymity.

    1. Several of my friends are adopting from the U.S. They are spending just as much money as people adopting from overseas.

    2. Often, the monies sent to "sponsor" a child never reach that child. Also, if the child's birth parents are alive, they obviously are not capable of caring for their child.

    3. My great-grandparents were immigrants to this country. Believe me, I have still preserved my heritage, and am thankful to live in a country where I am free to do so.

    4. What makes a son a son? I heard a great quote the other day that said, "Family isn't whose blood is flowing through you. It's who loves you." Parenting is more than giving birth – it's a life-long commitment to love and care for a child.

  8. Anonymous says:

    How do you know your great-grandparents were immigrants if you are adopted?

    Christ would not want to take someone else's baby. He was sent to her womb – not yours.

  9. Amber, your heritage was preserved because you had your biological family there, helping you to understand where you come from. I'm a domestic adoptee who's heritage was not preserved because my adoptive parents had a different heritage. I could tell you all about theirs, but not my own. It's very different when you don't have anyone in your family that you can relate to…

    This is not a case of black and white. There is trama and loss in adoption, not only happiness. As someone who had a fantastic childhood and great adoptive parents, it's interesting to me to see some of the comments here that assume that taking this child from him homeland is really in his best interests. His best interests according to whom? Isn't it all subjective? It isn't black and white and I can only hope that this situation works out best for the child.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Anonymous,

    Simply because you are adopted does not mean you do not know your heritage.

    I am curious if you can provide biblical evidence for your statement regarding Christ not wanting us to take someone's baby.

    There is much in Scripture (see James 1:27 for starters) that provides a beautiful picture of what adoption is. It is not ripping someone from their family, it is providing a home for someone without a family.

    Also, you stated in your initial post that she should have considered domestic adoption instead of international. Then (if you are the same "Anonymous") you state that Christ would not want her to take someone's baby. Why is it ok to adopt, or "take" as you say, a baby from the US but not from another country?

    Wayne

  11. Anonymous says:

    To the individual who said: "Christ would not want to take someone else's baby. He was sent to her womb – not yours,"

    I am curious. If this is about what Christ wants, why ON EARTH is adoption used as the illustration of salvation?

    Curious as to your answer. Again, anonymous. Gotta love anonymous comments.

    Alyssa Roberts

  12. Trisha says:

    Thank you, all, for your comments on this blog post. I never thought this post would spark so much discussion.

    Though I am happy to do so, I do not feel any need to defend the choices that my family is making. Each of us is entitled to our opinions and persuasions.

    Adoption–specifically international adoption–is certainly not for everyone. And that is fine. I respect those who do not choose to adopt. And I hope that those who do not choose to adopt can respect those who do.

    That said, given the anonymous comments above, I have chosen to start moderating feedback. While I have not–to this point–declined anyone's ability to express his or her opinions, I want to make it clear that respect and kindness are mandatory on this site.

    Some of the comments above–though they have not done any harm to my family whatsoever–skate very close to the edge of respect.

    I will post comments I disagree with, but I will not post comments that are unkind.

    Thank you, again, for your insights–
    Trisha
    http://www.househoncho.com

  13. I am not adopted, so I do know my heritage.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Regarding Christ not wanting us to take someone's son . . . The early Christian church was full of people who adopted children. It is a picture of Christ and his redeemed (elect). And, I believe that race or ethnic background should not matter to a Christian. Trisha, we are proud of you and your choice. I too am adopted, never knew my "biological parents" and had quite a happy life. My parents are those who loved me and raised me. May our Sovereign God bless you and Luke in your endeavor. Grace and Peace. And regarding Amber, who ever said she was adopted? No, my wife (Amber)was not adopted.

    Marc White

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