Dear June: I Don’t Have Leprosy

Photo by Steve Snodgrass

Dear “June,”

I am 34 years old and have never been married. I like taking care of my house but I worry that I will never be able to share it with someone else. Also, some of my married friends (particularly the moms) act like I can’t contribute to homemaking conversations or really be a home manager since I don’t have my own family. It is difficult to say it succintly. I don’t know what to do. And I don’t know what to ask you for but I am looking for your thoughts.

Lonely forever?
Cary, North Carolina

Dear Lonely Forever?,

Though this is a topic for a larger conversation, let me begin with this: Better that you have never been married than that you have married the wrong man. I do not minimize your disappointment, but I do want you to understand that there are worse situations than being young and single.

And yes, you are young.

As for your friends who do not want you to participate in home management conversations, shame on them. Certainly your ability to paint or clean or organize is not hindered by your current lack of a husband. Many of my single friends can out-home-manage me on all of the above.

Unfortunately, as people, we are too easily prone to value or de-value the contributions of those around us based on their status as compared to our own. Shame on us. You have a unique perspective that could lend significant insight into the home management conversation.

If I were in your shoes, I would identify the main culprits who have prevented you from contributing, and I would talk to them individually in a kind and transparent way. My guess is that they aren’t even aware of the messages they are communicating to you. Or perhaps–in some way–they think they are “helping.” If that doesn’t work, there is the age-old solution: Find new friends.

If you need proof that love can (and will!) happen at any age and every stage, check out the following. They might put a smile back on your face.

WWII veteran, 99, marries for first time; bride’s 86

On 100th birthday, he married the woman of his dreams 

Happy home managing,

Comments

  1. I once heard a wise lady say that being single sometimes means you have more management skills. I believe that's true. My husband and I share responsibilities (housework, yardwork, carwork, etc.). A single person has to do all of these by himself/herself.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I was married for 27 years. My ex started cheating on me after only 7 years. He justified it by saying he did it only when he was out of town "because all the guys did it" (would he jump off a bridge because everyone else did?) and the other justification was that I would never find out because he only did it when he was out of town…now those are some justifications, hu? Anyway, I chose to stay for the sake of my daughters. The minute both were grown and married I divorced the jerk. After 15 years I am still single. I have had the opportunity to marry twice, but I am holding out for the most perfect I can find.I have experienced being in the wrong relationship, and, believe me, alone is better than being in the wrong one. I am older so everyone around me seems to be in long-term marriages and we don't have alot in common. I don't have a husband to take care of the husband-things, so I either hire it done or it doesn't get done if I can't do it myself which is harder at my age. I completely understand how you feel;I have been on both sides of the fence. Just know that there are many of us out there feeling like you do, but also hold on to the hope for the right person if that is what you want. He will come along when the time is right for both of you. At 64 (almost 65) I still hope to find the right person someday.In the meantime, being single has some great freedoms and the people excluding you are missing out on a very interesting person!

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