An Open Letter to My Son’s Birthmother

Sanctity of Life Sunday


To the woman who delivered the boy that I love:

I know very little about you. I know how old you were when you gave birth and I know a smattering of details related to your pregnancy. That’s it. Strange that I should know so little when you and I share so much.

When I traveled to Thailand to meet our boy, I wanted nothing more in the universe than to be his mother. In those first moments when I held him–more precisely, he sat on my lap as he was already 4 years old–I thought of you. Strange, perhaps, since the room was raining Duplo blocks and the noise level was considerably higher than a fleet of turbo jets, but there you have it.

As someone who was adopted, I should have had a better understanding of what it means to share a life, but I did not, at least not from the perspective of a mom. I was unprepared for the instant love I had, both for him and for you.

I am sometimes asked what I feel towards you–Sympathy? Curiosity?

Yes. But mainly no.

What I feel most strongly for you in my heart is gratitude. I am grateful you gave me the chance to be his mother, of course. But it’s more than that. I am thankful you protected his life. At a time when the unborn have fewer rights than any protected creature, I do not take for granted that you gave our son a birthday. I am told that abortion is still illegal in Thailand but that–should a woman find herself in a difficult place–there are other options. I’ve read about some of these options and they are horrific.

You chose life. You did the hard thing one hundred times over and I applaud you.

I imagine you like to smile because our son loves to smile. And laugh? He does it all the time (especially when he should be napping). I suspect you have a touch of OCD because he loves to clean EVERYTHING! (Thank you!) And his love of music? Maybe that is something you and I gave him together. I like the thought that you and I may have worked as a team.

No matter where you are today or what you are doing with your life, know this much. Every time I look at our boy, I am reminded by his chocolate eyes and silky hair that there is a woman on the other side of world whose love for him inspired mine.

And so for that–and for you–I am eternally grateful.


  1. This is precious. He is gorgeous!

  2. Judy Collins says:

    Love this post and the fact that God chose you to be Andrew’s mother. He is such a joy and precious gift!

  3. What a precious letter, he is amazing and so are both his Mama’s. Andrew is so cute; motherhood is such a wonderful thing I know I love every minute! Is Andrew your only child?
    Jilly oxo

  4. Just beautiful – really enjoyed you sharing this all your readers. So much of it resonates with me as a mother of a little one from China.

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